MUNCIE, IN — You’re not being slick. We see you in line at Walmart with your pumpkin and a carver. The shyness you carry on your face tells us you know the consequences of your actions, the taboo nature of it, and still want to follow through with it. You don’t even have the gall to face an actual cashier. You’re standing in the self-checkout line.

I don’t consider myself that much of a purist, but this is sick. Disturbed. I see the posts about it, the inside jokes, the overall general acceptance–and even encouragement–of it, but I’m here to stand against it. I say no more.

Nobody wants to see your pictures and videos about it. Nobody wants to hear about it. It’s time we bring back purity to our nation. You shouldn’t be doing this. Your transness doesn’t even have bearing on what I’m saying. It’s unacceptable.

It’s time for these habits, these disgusting rituals, these unholy acts to end. Not just your carving pumpkins into scary and disturbing faces, but the entire Halloween holiday. The demonic witchcraft that we get literal children involved in for the sake of getting candy from strangers is–

Wait, you were going to do what with the pumpkin?!

You were going to…

I think I’ve completely misunderstood what’s happening here.