Hey, Woke Watch Warriors, welcome back to another edition of everyone’s favorite article series: Woke Watch. Last night, I watched I Saw the TV Glow, and I’ll be honest team, I think Hollywoke finally got a horror movie right. The movie is certifiably Not Woke™. Of course, for those of you who want to watch, there are spoilers ahead.

The movie starts out following a boy whose name I couldn’t be bothered to remember living with his mom and dad. He likes this show called The Pink Opaque, which his dad rightfully points out is a “girl’s show” and he is not allowed to watch it. However, he goes behind his parents’ backs to lie and go watch it with a girl named Maddy.

There’s even a D.A.R.E. poster at the beginning of the movie, signifying to our kids the dangers of drugs. No woke drugs in this movie? Check.

Once the first twenty or thirty minutes of the movie were over, I knew we were pretty much in the clear from anything woke happening in the movie, as those Hollywood weirdos like to shove it all in your face right at the beginning. And, I’ll be honest, the horror aspects of the movie weren’t really there, so I fell asleep for a good most of the runtime.

I woke up towards the end, though, when the boy started screaming in a pizzeria similar to the one in the movie my kids made me watch last year about some robot bear. As far as I know, these aren’t set in the same universe, so I can only imagine with the way he was wheezing at the end that he didn’t heed the warnings of drugs and became a user, hallucinating and having trouble breathing. I’m glad there’s a director in Hollywood willing to show the dangers of drug abuse to our kids. Mine have been begging me for a vape no matter how many times I tell them no. And who came up with all of these dumb flavors for them, anyway?

All this to say, while tame in actual horror elements, and despite the boy being a little fruity at the beginning, I Saw the TV Glow gets a Not Woke™ score from me. It’s doesn’t get a perfect score, but it’s certainly much better than the Super Woke™ rating I gave They/Them last year.

That’s all for this week’s Woke Watch. Catch the next edition where we talk about the dangerously woke new Harry Potter TV series trying to pander to their gay millennial audience.