SNAPCHAT — Once again proving that they dominate the pre-medical transition world for many women, Snapchat has released another shitty “anime” filter that gets those happy little chemicals flowing.

“We churn these out once or twice a month with very little changes each time, and they eat it up,” one of the board heads at Snapchat said Tuesday. “We have one guy dedicated to the filter on the floor. When he screams like his flesh is melting, we know he’s about ready for quality assurance testing.”

The filter, which Snapchat claims has already been used twenty thousand times in the past twelve hours, allows the user to ignore reality for a few blissful seconds as they transform into a generic airbrushed anime girl with brown eyes (and only brown eyes).

“A few of the boys have coined it the ‘egg cracker,’” one of the programmers said. “We like to play a little game where we guess the percentage of pronoun changes in the database after releasing one of the filters. It hasn’t disappointed yet.”

When asked how they plan to keep their filters fresh, the board member scoffed. “Are you kidding? Most of the work is done by TikTok or our users.”

Immediately after, a scream echoed through Snapchat headquarters. The board member leaned against a wall and laughed. “Well, there we are. Maybe we’ve finally gotten those goddamned eyes right for once.”