FIFTH CIRCLE OF HELL, MI — We got one, y’all. We finally fucking got one.

I knew there was something up about those gender non-conforming nerds. How can you simply reject the concept of a binary gender system, claiming to not associate with one side or the other? No, I knew something was up, as did many of you.

It’s why I’ve taken to commenting on every post made by a nonbinary person asking what their assigned gender at birth was. In order to contextualize who they truly are in my mind and make their claim of being nonbinary less confusing, I have to know all of their private life information–especially their original gender.

After receiving (and ignoring) multiple tirades from our nonbinary oppressors for asking about their AGAB, at long last, I received exactly what I was after: they were assigned Eldritch God at birth.

As they revealed this information to me, however, I realized how little I am. How unjustifiably insignificant my thoughts were in comparison to their incomprehensible form, their Lovecraftian gender identity, their place in the universe compared to mine. The rain around me seemed to have stopped, as if the forces of time itself were no longer relevant. A haunting gaze from what should have been eyes–and surely, they were, right?–flooded my senses, hoping to give me even the faintest grasp of the scale of the things at play. And then that glimpse formed a vast pit in my conscious, to which I fell in. Things were dark, and bright, and nothing but everything moved, and as I screamed, I split in half, only to land in the top of a lighthouse, staring out into the sea, the rain resuming its patter against the water expanding out in front of me.

And then I understood. They do not choose to be nonbinary. They do it to contain themself, for our sake. How fortunate are we that they are no less than neutral entities; how fortunate indeed!

Anyway, think I’ll tackle people with neopronouns next. They’ve had it notoriously good for too long.