Worried about the state of affairs in America right now? Concerned that things are only going to get worse about the anti-trans rhetoric flooding public spaces? We here at the Post-Gender Post have made a comprehensive list of five self-compromising ways to ensure you barely make it through the Trump Presidency. We’re talking scraping by in a dangerous mental health position for the remainder of the four years.

1: Become a Right-Wing Pick-Me

There’s nothing that guarantees your safety from a group of hostile fascist transphobes faster than proving that you’re “one of the good ones.” Sacrifice all of your moral standings to become a shining example for the rest of us!

For example, take a look at Brianna Wu, one of the more popular pick-mes for the MAGA crowd. She had cohabited peacefully with them for—what’s that? She’s said she’s going to be leaving the public scene and fears for her safety? Oh. Well, moving on.

2: Don’t Get Medications From a Doctor

With a hostile state, the less information you have that ties you to an at-risk minority group, the better. That’s why you should avoid getting gender affirming care and hormone replacement therapy from official sources inside the country. Exclusively use alternative avenues. These can be cheaper as it is, and—oh, right, the tariffs have made it so many countries no longer ship to us, and things are much more expensive. Well, you could always just not have your medications. After all, you are valid without them!

3: Just Move to a Different Country

This is a blanket statement for any trans person in an anti-trans place: just move. Anyone can do it. Everyone should do it. It’s just that easy.

Hmm? You can’t afford to? Consider getting a job then.

4: Don’t Have any Cis Friends

Number four is pretty straightforward. Clearly any excuse to blame a trans person, even being a past roommate of an alleged school shooter, is an excuse to do a witch hunt. Therefore, if you have no cis friends, you can’t be blamed for the horrible things they do. Foolproof, right?

5: Don’t Speak Up or Out Yourself

You’re a lot more likely to be a victim of hate if you make it obvious you are part of a minority group. Simply put, don’t speak out against the injustices anyone is facing right now, and you will be given a certain level of unearned bliss by maintaining your neutrality. This one shouldn’t be too hard for a lot of our white cohort, as we’ve gotten a lot of experience in complicity.

There you are, a solid five ways to barely make it out of the authoritarian regime alive. The great news is that once Trump’s presidency is over, the fascism is just going to go away, so you only have to do this for another 3.25 years! Isn’t that wholly convenient?